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How to Win Friends and Influence People (Best Methods)




“Learning to deal with people in the right way will open up your future potential in life, business, and relationships.”

“dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face”. True even today!

“Learning to communicate in the right way, connecting with people at their deepest, inner core, and using all of this in line with digital methods is your aim. These days the stakes are probably higher than they have ever been before. Digital methods mean that we can easily make a mistake, and it’s communicated across the globe virally, within seconds. Businesses, relationships, friendships, connections, they can all be broken with just the touch of a ‘send’ button. By listening to the words that Carnegie imparted upon us, you’ll see that 1936 is still very relevant, even today.Did you know? “How to Win Friends & Influence People” featured on Time Magazine’s top 100 most influential books in 2011, ranked at number 19.

Be Careful of what you type and what you Say

“Social media is a blessing in many ways, but a curse in so many others. It brings you closer to more people than you could ever have imagined, but takes you away from those sitting right next to you. It can also be a make or break in terms of business and relationships. Take Ryan Babel, the Dutch footballer, as a good example. Feeling rather annoyed after his team, Liverpool, lost to Manchester United, he took to his Twitter account to vent his frustrations, calling out the referee’s ability. The result? He was fined around $16,000.”

“We need to be more careful about what we post on social media. A bad post can come back to bite you in the future.

“We have to be so much more careful about what comes out of our mouths, via the fingers we used to type, than ever before. We live in sensitive times, after all. The Huffington Post found that many people had been fired from their jobs as a result of what they put on their social media accounts, including a waitress in a pizza restaurant who was fired for complaining about two customers on her personal Facebook account.

This ease of letting off steam digitally means that we criticise more than we air on the side of kindness. We can easily show our frustrations or opinions to others, at the touch of a button.

Did you know? 500 million tweets are sent every day; how many of those were well thought out?”

Stop Badmouthing and Keep Calm

“Do you bad mouth? It’s time to stop and keep your calm”

“Had Ryan Babel remained tightlipped on his Twitter account and blown off steam to his friends instead, he would have kept $16,000 in his bank account. If he had given it five minutes, just to calm down, the savings would remain.

“Of course, badmouthing can easily come back to bite you. How do you know that the person you’re criticizing isn’t going to be someone you need to collaborate with at some point in the future?

“The people you badmouth could be people you need to work with in the future; think very carefully before you speak.

“Remember, if all you do is criticize and blow off steam on your social media accounts, you’re quickly going to lose followers, both in the personal and business worlds.

Did you know? Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly complaining.

Show you truly Care.

Always make the ultimate impression by showing you really care.

“Kindness always wins out, and the single best way to both make friends and also influence others is to show human kindness at the heart of what you do. Our author highlights an example of a shepherd tasked with guarding 100 sheep. One evening he rounds up the sheep and finds 99 in place, and 1 missing. Rather than praying and hoping the sheep will return safe and unharmed, he places the other sheep in their pen and goes out looking for that single sheep. In human terms, this shows those around you and those you’re working with that you care about every single one of them; nobody is left behind.

“Kindness costs nothing and it is the best way by far to show people you care. When you do that, they reward you with their loyalty.

“Showing people that they are valuable to you enhances relationships beyond measure. We often find it hard to affirm the positives in others, usually finding it easier to highlight the negatives, but by doing this you’re showing people that you are noticing their good points. There is a very real difference between doing this and flattering without reason however, because at the heart of it is a real concern for the other person, just as the shepherd showed with the missing sheep.

“Did you know? Studies have shown that regularly performing acts of kindness can lower blood pressure, therefore boosting your heart health.

Connect on a deeper level by turning the tables around

“Connecting with a person’s true inner desire is the single best way to influence their behaviour, especially in business. Apple really showed this when they launched a different type of computer to the norm, back in 2002. This was viewed as a risk by many, but Steve Jobs had been listening to our author’s words! He realised that if you want to influence someone to do something you need to really connect with them on a basic level, e.g. their inner desire. Jobs realized that people wanted this creative, new style computer, so he gave them what they wanted and sales flooded in.

“Identify what people want on a deeper level in order to really connect.

“In order to do this, you need to put yourself in another person’s shoes. You have to think like they do and explore what they really want. In addition, you need to give them what they want, but also make sure that it’s beneficial for you too. In the Apple example, everyone won out; people got their desired product and Apple made a fortune.

Avoid Argument; Admit when You’re Wrong

“Nobody likes admitting when they’re wrong; most of us would prefer to argue it out and prove a point than say ‘hey, I’m wrong’. In order to establish any kind of trust, being able to be big enough to admit you’re wrong is vital, as is avoiding arguments in the first place.

“Arguments lead to dead ends, it’s literally a waste of time. All you’re trying to do is prove a point and make them see that you’re right, usually ending in both of you concluding that the other one is wrong! It’s far better to approach conflict with an open mind and see it as an opportunity for growth and learning.


“The ability to effectively make friends and influence people really comes down to the basics, the things which we have forgotten as the years have rolled by. We’re far too concerned with the material things, the fancy things in life, and the latest celebrity gossip, but the ability to connect with others on a real, human level is right there in front of us.

Be honest, be real, admit your mistakes, avoid confrontation, put yourself in the shoes of others, and raise people up, rather than knocking them down. Become a person that people want to be around, and by doing that, you’ll have far more influence than you could ever dream.

Try this

  • For one whole week, challenge yourself to avoid arguments of all types, and instead focus on collaboration and seeing the other side of the discussion
  • Avoid posting negative or opinionated comments on social media, and keep things positive
  • Challenge yourself to see situations through the eyes of others, to help develop your empathy skills”

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